Strange Gods, Inescapable Oaths, and Lifelong Service: The Misadventures of a Polytheist Preteen

(My “promise ring” to the Theoi. I started wearing it on Beltane 2020 and have barely taken it off since.)

Khairete!

The last time I visited my local Barnes & Noble, there was an entire shelf dedicated to Paganism and the occult. Nothing deeper than "Crystals 101" and beginners' witchcraft  books, and yet still it blew me away (there was no such shelf when I first started exploring Paganism back in 2019). In the past, you had to gather your courage and seek out the creepy old swamp witch who lives at the edge of the forest. Now you can buy all her secrets from a Llewelyn book without ever having to find teachers or do the discernment.  

This isn't bad. It's just dangerous. Magic is power- deity work is power- and a lot of young people have no access to the support systems that can help them handle it. 

As the occult becomes accessible to the masses, Pagan communities will have to brace ourselves for a wave of kids and teens who have stumbled upon the Otherworld and have no idea what to do with their newfound knowledge. Many youth dabble with “Barnes & Noble magic,” never encountering real magic or Gods until they put in the work. Others experience true Power and run screaming in the other direction. A small few feel called to stay. Sometimes forcibly called to stay. 

What would happen if a child watched a TikTok video about working with the fae and then made a deal with The Fair Folk that they couldn't escape?

What if a genderqueer youth in a transphobic household got tapped on the shoulder by Loki after reading Neil Gaiman’s Norse Mythology? 

As interest in Paganism rises, the spirits stir. What if Ereshkigal called a born-again Baptist teen into Her service?

All of those examples are hypothetical, but what if a 12 year old Catholic school girl vowed lifelong priesthood to a powerful and ancient underworld Goddess?

I was that girl, and over three years later, I don't regret it. But I'm still haunted by the possibilities of what would happen if I changed my mind.

My preteen fascination with Persephone arrived suddenly, violently, as I was listening to Hadestown on the radio. One moment, I was going about my everyday life. The next, I was obsessively pursuing Persephone and Paganism. Once the door had been opened, I couldn't seem to close it: I was determined to discover who this spirit was, and why I kept dreaming about Her. I was unable to sleep. My mind swam with so many questions that I could barely think straight. I wrote long letters to various Hellenic Gods, desperate to know if They were demons, real deities, or mere figments of my imagination. 

Finally, on Samhain 2019, Persephone unveiled Herself to me in all Her raw power. That night, I made up my mind about Paganism. I was going to leave behind Christianity to become a Pagan priestess, and no one could stop me. 

"Coming out" to my friends and loved ones as Pagan was easily the hardest thing I've ever done, even harder than being the first to come out as queer at my small Catholic school. At least people know what a lesbian is. A "Hellenic Polytheist?" Someone fetch the dictionary! There were a lot of tears and late night fights. It took my wonderful parents a little while to adjust to my weirdness, and it took me a little while to become less... abrasive.

The solution to my preteen angst seemed simple. On February 1st, 2020, I walked barefoot to the forest in a white Confirmation dress and vowed lifelong priesthood to the Goddess Persephone. The actual oath, unfortunately, was never written down, and even if it was, I would never share it online. But it sounded a lot like this: 

* I want to be Your priestess. Make me Yours and do whatever You want. 

* Just find me a Pagan group, I'll do anything. 

* I love You, I belong to You. I'm going to follow You forever. 

... all things that any reasonable person should NEVER say to a spirit they barely know. Over three years later, I'm a little horrified by the promises that I made as a newbie- promises that I repeated  several times over the course of that year. Lifelong service? "Anything you want?" Thank goodness it was Persephone I was dealing with- the Gods tend to be virtuous. I shudder to imagine what would've happened if I had made those promises to a trickster spirit, for example. 

In my defense, I was completely on my own back then. This was before I joined CUUPS, before I met any Polytheists, before I even discovered blogs like Under The Ancient Oaks and Glasse Witch Cottage. My parents refused to let me buy Pagan books, and it wasn't as if Barnes & Noble carried polytheist titles, anyway. I did all my research and personal study on Tumblr. It was awful.

Over three years after I oathed myself to Persephone, I have no regrets. I'm a thriving, well-adjusted teen with a great school, fabulous friends, and a vibrant local Pagan community. I've found that my passion for mysticism became manageable once I stopped repressing my it. As for the call to priesthood? Every day it brings me new joy and purpose. During my darkest times, it's even saved my life.

And yet, sometimes on sleepless nights, I stare at the Greek statues on my desk and wonder. How free am I, really? What if someday I wanted "out" of this oath with no escape clause?

One of my deepest fears is that someday I'll give up on my relationship with The Two Goddess. Not because I fear Their abandonment or Their punishment, but because I love Them so deeply that it aches. Because They feel like a raw, bleeding chunk of my heart. Because I can't imagine my life without Them.

(The scariest part is that I'm dead serious).

If I changed my mind about Persephone, would She let me go? I imagine it would be a lot like moving across the country, or going through a nasty divorce. Messy. Would the Gods hold a young priestess to an oath She made at age 12? Honestly, I don't ever want to find out.

The irony of this situation is that Persephone would understand my predicament better than most. If you take Homeric Hymn to Demeter at face value, She signed her life away as a teenager- without informed consent. Or maybe She chose to eat those six seeds. Who knows. This is another mystery that keeps me up at night. 

I can't be the only young person who's dealing with these questions. As interest in Paganism becomes mainstream, our numbers will grow. And when these kids show up at our circles, we have to be ready for them. At the very least, they'll need support and guidance from older, more experienced Pagans. They could definitely use an educational course or a welcome program. And they're going to need books and resources. Not "Witchcraft 101," but a "Devotional Polytheism for Teens" book. That book hasn't been written yet... maybe I'll write it someday.

I've been blessed to receive infinite love and support from the CUUPS chapter that raised me. It takes my breath away to think of all the UU Pagans who've mentored me, volunteered their time, and given me a place at the table. I just hope that the youth who need it will be able to access similar support.

Sometimes, on nights when my insomnia gets the best of me, I lie awake and wonder. I wonder about my oath to Persephone back in 2020. And I wonder about the kids and teens who've come face to face with strange and wonderful Gods. The ones whose swim in the waters of spirit work is only beginning.

Happy Midsummer,

Rose Eleusis